Growing up is like a sunrise (First Periods Feel Big #2)

Earlier this week, I was resting with my leg up and my daughter came in to visit. She was in an open, sharing, chatty mood so I seized the moment and said, can I ask you a question about periods? She’s about to turn 13 (which also feels big but that’s another email) and has been menstruating for a couple of years now. She agreed to let me share our conversation.

Me: One of the things I hear from moms is that periods feel big, like it’s a big growing up moment, do you feel that too?

Her: Well, periods feel big because you have to start taking care of yourself, like your parents have been doing that for you and once you have a period you have to really do that in a different way for yourself.

Me: Ah, how so?

Her: Your parents can give you advice but you have to manage your pads and tampons and stuff. And your parents don’t know what you’re feeling so you have to speak up for what you need.

Me: Yeah, that’s true.

Her: Like when I have cramps and I need to lie down with the heating pad or I feel overwhelmed — you don’t know that unless I tell you.

Me: I get that. I wrote a Raising Flora blog a couple weeks ago about how first periods feel big because they’re a lot to manage physically, emotionally, logistically. (You can find that post here.)

Her: Yeah, they can be, but having a period is teaching me to take care of myself in lots of ways.

Me: Ah, that’s really beautiful. One of the reasons first periods can feel big for mamas is that it’s a reminder our daughters are growing up. Can you see how that might be?

Her: Sure, but you have to remember that growing up isn’t like flipping a light switch, it’s more gradual, like a sunrise. You’re not all of a sudden a woman when you get your first period but you are changing.

Me: I love how you put that.

So, that’s my tip for you this week: remember that growing up isn’t like flipping a light switch, it’s more gradual, like a sunrise.

One reason why first periods feel big is because they signal the end of girlhood, this safe and tender age, and they remind us our tween is growing up. First periods can feel so bittersweet — we feel joy as we watch our tween stretch and grow in new ways at the same time we feel sad that everything we’ve loved about their childhood is ending. Reframing this as a beautiful, gradual process like the sun rising can help you move through these heartfelt and maybe uncomfortable moments so that you’re ready to give your tween a healthy, positive start with their cycle.